imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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