well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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