Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
