Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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