i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Randomize
