What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
