What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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