no, he came in my armpit
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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