Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Randomize
