he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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