the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
should my penis look like a turkey
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
