What did we do last night that was yellow?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
