I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize