Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
