The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
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