After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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