I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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