I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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