He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize