i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
We are two peas in an std pod
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
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