Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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