When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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