Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
