Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
he shaved USA in his pubs
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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