a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize