I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
