so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
