Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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