Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
