Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
