i wish there were pregnant emoticons
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
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