What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize