WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
