well I can't set my house on fire every night
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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