Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
