i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
