Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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