all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
