rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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