everyone is single if you try hard enough
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
