how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
