i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
