He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
