Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
