I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
