When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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