: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
