How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I didn't notice because vodka
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
