Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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