This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
It's never too late to be topless.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
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