i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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