she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
