Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
