Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Randomize
