the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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