I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
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