I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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