Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
