I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
