Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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