Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize