Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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