when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
