At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Randomize
