Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
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