First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
