It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
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