So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
