If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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