names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
