GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
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