my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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