The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
