God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
