He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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