I hope mine doesn't look like that
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize