I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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