matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
