walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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