what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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