Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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