take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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