he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
