walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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