what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
